Dos and Don’ts of Dating

Daisy Hollands
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Daisy Hollands

Mother. Plus size model. Fat Activist. Diet Industry Dropout.
Daisy Hollands
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No strings

Dating. It’s a weird thing isn’t it? No strings or long term – pretty much everyone does it at some point in their lives. For most of us, we meet people we kind of are attracted to, spend some time getting to know them, find the one we dislike the least and that’s pretty much it – before you know it, you’re married with a couple of kids, a car you can’t afford and a house in the suburbs that always needs something doing to it.

But what if that’s not for you?  No one expects everyone to like the same music, or food, or football team, so why on earth would we all fit nicely into the same “relationship box” as everyone else? It’s becoming more and more socially acceptable to step outside the norm and break away from more “traditional” relationships. No strings attached dating is seemingly more prevalent, with participants able to enjoy fun and varied dates with people and no commitment on either side.

I have a friend – a former boyfriend actually – who would describe himself as poly. It’s absolutely the right thing for him, he loved the idea of an exclusive, loving relationship, but every time he found himself in one, he panicked and bolted. (Take a wild guess at why we broke up?!) Now he lives very happily by himself, (he was always something of a loner) although he has a wife and a regular girlfriend (they both know about each other) and they all have casual partners along the way. Would not work for me ever, but they are all happy and who am I to say that they shouldn’t do what makes them happy?

Another lady I know uses a variety of dating apps and sites and meets new people all the time for no strings dating. She is beautiful and funny and would make a wonderful wife or girlfriend for some lucky man, but she prefers the single life. She doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone, while at the same time, likes to have companions for fun nights out and quiet nights in. No strings dating works perfectly for her. It means that there is always someone available when she fancies a meal out or a night at the movies, but the only towel she has to pick up off the bathroom floor is the one she dropped there herself.

Some people are unlucky enough to be trapped in marriages that they can’t easily walk away from. Let’s face it, no one gets married thinking that one day it might break down irretrievably, but in the real world, sometimes that is what happens. For a multitude of reasons, it’s never quite as simple as saying “well that’s that then” and walking away unscathed.  In the current financial climate, it can be harder than ever to end a marriage in which both parties can just about afford the house they share . Splitting up and having to each fund a home individually might not be an option. So how do you cope with that? Stuck in a marriage with a person you once loved but now is actually stopping you having the life you want? In that case a marital affair might bring some relief and be the answer to at least one of the many issues faced.

You would think this kind of thing gets easier as you get older, but I’m here to tell you it really doesn’t. I’m 52, and next month I will have been married 23 years. We have been separated for longer than we were together. (See what I mean about ending a relationship sometimes being really complicated and difficult?!) … what’s next? I have no idea what’s good in the world of over 50s dating, but I’m sure when I am back on the lookout there will be plenty of places I could meet single men who also want companionship and no strings nights or maybe a full on committed relationship.

Ultimately we each have to find our own way in the world of dating and relationships. Only you will know what works for you, what makes you happy and what you’re not prepared to put up with. Don’t settle – think about what you want and work out a way you can have it.

We don’t judge here at She Might Be. No one knows what anyone else is going through in life – we believe in live and let live, so long as everyone is an adult, everything is consensual and no one is getting hurt. Life is too short to be anything other than happy.

This post is a collaboration.

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