Leanda Lewis

Leanda

Child raising, husband having, veggie, feminist, sci fi loving foul mouth gin swiller. I design jewellery too!

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The Worst Fat Phobic Comments

Below is a handy list of things that are fat phobic and suck, if you say any of these things, then you should stop. Now.
​You’re not healthy, what about your heart? You’re costing the NHS so much money.
  1. You don’t know how healthy I am
  2. What about my heart?
  3. So do an ass ton of things, drugs/drinking/smoking/ but no one treats them in the same way. Also I pay my NHS and have only used it to give birth, unaided to two healthy children… just saying.
Stop using your fat phobic fake concern for a stranger’s health, it’s weird and fake. Just be honest, you don’t like fat people and they offend you by not fitting into your idea of pretty.

That’s not ok my friend, I see you.

Fat phobic
Back handed compliments
‘You have such a pretty face.’
Usually said in the same tone of someone delivering the news your dog has cancer. I know you know what I mean, because that’s a typical fat girl complement, isn’t it? You don’t even need to round it off with, ‘for a fatty,’ because society hates fat bodies and so it’s just implied already. Re-read this passage if you’ve ever caught yourself saying this fat phobic ‘compliment’…. yeahhhh pretty shittastic, bet you feel silly now huh?
Fat phobic
Thin people complaining they’re fat.
 If you’re straight sized and you constantly refer to yourself as fat. Or curvy. Or complain how you ate a burger and now you have to go work it off to me, or your fat friends, please shut the fuck up. You’re straight up being a twat. And unless you suffer from BDD you’re fully aware I’m/they’re fat and you’re not. If you can walk into a shop and pick up an item of clothing, you don’t have a clue what fat is, and you don’t get to put yourself in the same team. Or talk for us. It’s the equivalent of mansplaining. And I ain’t go no time to facilitate you or your micro-aggression.
Fake niceness

Straight sized people telling me I’m brave for my outfit choices. Hmmmm, I don’t even know where to start. I usually just smile and say am I ? Ammmmm I? And do this face.

fat phobic

I won’t expand, if you do this to fat people you know what you did. Stappp it.

Asking me if you look fat….
Don’t ask a fat person if you look fat if you’re not. What do you want out of this exchange? You’re not fat so why ask when you know the answer.
Talking about diets/exercise 
I don’t mind if you run or you’re on a diet. But when you constantly round it up with “BECAUSE I’VE PUT SOOOO MUCH WEIGHT ON AND I DON’T WANT TO BE FAT.” That’s fairly offensive. Is fat as a woman the absolute worst thing ever? The message I constantly get is yeah, it’s worse to be fat than literally anything else. Not cool man. And not true at all.
Should you eat that ?

I’ll eat you if you make that comment again.

fat phobic

Health tips
It’s just diet and exercise. Well, thank sweet mother and saviours you were here! To point out the solution! If only I’d known, I mean that right there is a game changer my friend. (I’ll stop now, I feel at this point I’m just abusing sarcasm.)

So in conclusion the above list is the absolute worst. So before you say/type this sort of fat phobic stuff, ask yourself why. Ask yourself if you know how your words work to contributing to the oppression of fat bodies in society.
Finally, I leave you with this photo…

fat phobic

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How To Deal With Weight Concern From Friends and Family

This is a tricky one, isn’t it? How do we deal with weight concern from those closest to us? If we are super lucky our friends and family love us and want the best for us, however what happens when they make your weight a priority or a topic of concern?
  1. It can lead to stress which as we know isn’t very healthy for us at all.
  2. It can lead to anxiety, perhaps causing us to avoid eating in front of them, or lying about what we eat.
  3. Weight concern from close ones can harm the relationship we have with them.
  4. It can damage how we view ourselves.
  5. Your kids (if you have them) are usually in ear shot and hearing comments about weight concern can in turn lead to them having negative feelings about their own weight or self image.
Weight Concern
Let’s get some shit out the way up front. No one not one single person gets to tell you your worth. It’s not measured by your ass size, or how “clean” you eat. Or how many sweaty gym sessions you’ve done. You’re not in competition with your sister Barb or that new mum (who got thin really fast after having little Joshy and wants to tell you how). You don’t owe them thinness. Or even trying for thinness.
Here are some techniques that I’ve used over the years with well meaning to my friends and family…
  1. Get up and leave the room. Just straight up take your ass away from their weight concern and go do something else.
  2. Talk about yourself kindly and share your achievements.
  3. Dress in a way that makes you happy.
  4. Eat. Join in eating, order first, have dessert and don’t say sorry by abstaining.
  5. Casually mention that you’re fat in conversation (I do understand there are varying degrees of how comfy we are with this) it can be so empowering to just be like, ‘HEY I’M FAT WE ALL KNOW IT, I KNOW IT, CAN WE JUST WATCH CATCHPHRASE AND ARGUE WITH UNCLE TOM ABOUT HIS DISGUSTING POLITICAL VIEWS, UNTILL WE’RE ALL READY TO LEAVE.’
  6. Tell them. It’s hard and can be really scary but look them dead in the eye and say “I’m not interested in talking about something so arbitrary can we discuss (insert latest hobby/achievement/escapade here).
  7. DON’T BE SORRY. Don’t be girl, it’s so easy to hunker, back off, and join slimming club. Because your friends and family love you and think it’s ok to always bring it up subtly or otherwise. It’s not, it’s not helpful or their job to police your life. It’s ok to just smile and change the subject.

You don’t need fixing. You got this.

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Quick ‘How To’ Tips For Life

Quick ‘How To’ tips for life that I live by:

How To Get A Beach Body 

Go to the beach (please remember to take your body)
Tips For Life

How To Lose Weight

Don’t count calories or kill yourself going to the gym, it’s much easier to lose other people’s heavy bullshit expectations of what your body should weigh, step one lose them… step two feel the weight of their horse shit drop away.

Tips For Life

How To Dress For Your Body Shape

Look at what shape you are, are you person shaped? Excellent go and buy people clothes (top tip leave horse clothes, dolls clothes and clothes pegs. They aren’t for you )
Tips For Life

How To Look Sexy

Get a mirror
Hold it up
Look into it
Say “hey you sexy muther”

(Can also be achieved by pouting lips and wearing what the fuck you want)

Tips For Life

How To Eat Clean

Wash your fucking food

How To Say No

There are several ways to say no I gauge the situation then do one of the following
“No.”
Shake my head.
Pretend I’m moving to Lisbon.

How To Dress For Your Age

This is tricky but if you find a good seamstress they can usually fashion you an outfit in the shape of the number 33 (you have to use your own age) failing this just wear what you like society will find fault with it anyway.

How To Look Flawless

Roll yourself in carpet lie down and blend In! You got this girl!

How To Get Your Pre Baby Body Back

Good luck, that shit is gone. You grew and pushed out a person! Eat a doughnut, drink the gin, and congratulate yourself for remembering to put knickers on when you answer the door to the postman.

Tips For Life

Have you got any tips for life that we should all use?

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Clothes Shopping When Fat

Why is it fat woman aren’t encouraged to dress themselves nicely? The last 18 years of me dressing myself have been depressingly shite. I don’t fit into the clothes a lot of  standard shops, and vintage retailers (the expensive ones) only go up to a small 18 if you’re lucky. And I’m sick of it. I find nice things, they don’t fit properly so I make do.
Why can’t I eat cake and drink wine and be rambunctious and sensual and take up space? Why do TV and and the media and shops assume fat people don’t like themselves enough to dress nicely?
I’ll tell you why – because society doesn’t encourage woman to like their bodies or their looks. We are held to unachievable standards encouraged by white, slim, able, fresh faced 18 year olds smiling out from every magazine and poster to try and buy society’s crap and achieve face/body nirvana, because God help if you look tired or fat or (said in a low whisper) old.

Newsflash!

Women are old
Women are fat
Women are over 6 foot
Women are “blokey”
Women have rough edges and like manly things
I won’t diminish myself and take up less space than I am due.
I won’t bow and scrape and hide and agree with your health “concern” because, unless you’re a medical doctor with access to my records, you’re just a Google medic and can actually fuck off. I don’t care for your bullshit society not one bit.
Represent me on billboards, magazines and TV. Make me the love interest, take me seriously as a person with agency. Accept that my body IS a summer body. It is  In fact (and this may surprise you) a summer, autumn and a fucking winter one too. All season it’s an all season body, that deserves love, respect, self worth and a fucking shirt from a high end retailer and a pair of decent fitting trousers that don’t make me think of when sausage meat spills out of its case. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again and again until someone listens: I’M FAT AND I HAVE MONEY. Make me some fucking clothes that fit and aren’t tents and billowing. And sorry. Stop pretending there is only one way to be beautiful and it’s by never being happy with what we have.

In short have a fucking word mate.
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How To Take A Compliment, Like A Boss

We all give compliments. I bet you give them daily and don’t even realise! The question is: why are we so shockingly bad at accepting them?! Listen to the replies from the majority of people when you give them a compliment and see what you notice. In my experience it goes a bit like this…
compliment
You Look pretty. – Oh no, you do!
I like your jacket. – What, this? It was really cheap.
Oh my God your hair today is amazing! – Thanks, it wouldn’t do what I asked it to at all today!
Let’s break this down.
We are taught from a young age a lot of conflicting information. Patriarchy tells us: be modest but not boring. Be clever, but not too smart. Enjoy sex, but don’t be a whore. Eat smaller portions. Hunch. Apologise. Wear make up? You don’t look natural. No make up? You don’t look well. Your skirt is too short. Your skirt is too long. Patriarchy tells us we are fodder for men and competition to other woman. But the patriarchy is outdated and can kiss my ass.
It tells us we should be small and meek and not have an opinion. It contradicts itself and is an unattainable, slippery, ever-changing bastard.
No wonder we feel like immediately apologising and backing away from a compliment. I never learned to be happy with myself until I met other women who were. Women who give compliments when they mean it and aren’t ashamed to look another woman in the face and tell them they’re beautiful in that moment. A turning point was hearing one woman simply say “how nice of you, thank you”. Part of me went “holy balls, did she just say thanks?” She didn’t follow up with, you look so much nicer, or “oh wow really um thanks,” – she full on accepted it, almost like it was okay!
And lo and behold, it is okay. We are taught it’s not okay. We are taught it’s arrogance to look and feel good and accept it and be proud of it. Music, poetry and TV all tell us this every day. The way we interact with other people teaches us this. I won’t teach my daughter to hate herself, or to judge herself. I will teach her that a compliment is just that, and to accept graciously with the intent it’s given. I can do this by saying nice things about myself. But being kind about my appearance in front of her. By being kind to others. By telling her she is smart, funny, kind, strong and beautiful. I can teach her as best I can not to fail at self care like I did, because no one taught me.
If some one tells you that you look super, or you have awesome hair, or you’re a clever woman, here are ways to accept the compliment:
  • Awesome cheers
  • Thank you, that’s really kind
  • I know right!
  • Hey if I wasn’t me, I’d do me
  • You really are lovely, thanks!
  • I worked really hard on this and I appreciate your lovely compliment
  • I’ll take that
Give them out and learn to receive them. Teach your children that being complimentary to others begins by being complimentary to themselves first. Teach them it’s OK to say thank you. And not to start a thank you with a “sorry”
You’re all beautiful, you’re all unique. And you’re all allowed to be perfectly aware of it.
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Why Weight Loss Praise Makes Me Eye Roll

“Oh hi, you’ve lost so much weight!”  I’ve heard this weight loss praise on and off over my yo-yo BS diet career, but it’s only the last few years that I’ve seen it for the pile of garbage, ridiculously weird comment it truly is.
Weight Loss Praise
  1.  In my experience it’s not how we greet dudes. And if we’d find something bizarre when said to a bloke, then it should apply to us women too. Equality, mofos.
  2. We don’t praise people for getting fat, so why praise them for getting thin?
  3. Weight loss is as interesting as cutting your dead ends or growing your toenails or taking a crap. I’m not going to congratulate you for those bodily things.
  4. It 100% reinforces woman should be small and take up less space. You’re worth more, the less you weigh. You need to lose weight to become acceptable to your peers.
  5. What if I lost weight because I was ill? I’ve heard people give weight loss praise to really ill woman, not knowing their condition and telling them how ‘awesome’ they look.
  6. It’s sad that’s the first thing you notice about someone and it’s sad we are conditioned to associate being thin with the highest possible praise, an achievement akin to winning the noble peace prize, splitting the atom or giving birth.
  7. It’s ramming home a BS, outdated, and super damaging trout that this is how we should look, and if we don’t WHY NOT? WHY IN ACTUAL JESUS NOT, KAREN?
  8. If you tell me I look better now, did you think I looked terrible before?
  9. It’s weird. It’s just a really weird thing to get over excited about. Stop it.

Does weight loss praise make your eyes roll too? Let us know in the comments!

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