Mother. Plus size model. Fat Activist. Diet Industry Dropout.
Mother. Plus size model. Fat Activist. Diet Industry Dropout.
My partner and I are terrible in bed. Get your minds out of the gutter – I don’t mean like that! But we are complete opposites when it comes to the perfect night’s sleep. My favourite is when we visit his Mum and get to drift off into the magical world of memory foam at night, whereas sometimes he literally sleeps on the floor because everything is too soft for him. When BedGuru got in touch, I was intrigued – could this be the end of a decade of alternating poor sleep? Before diving in to making a purchase, I thought it would be fun to take their #CouplesQuiz and join in the campaign to promote their mattresses specifically aimed at couples.
How did you meet?
Seven years ago, I met a guy on Twitter. He didn’t even have a picture of himself as his icon, and he mostly dedicated the account to winding up celebrities and playing hashtag games. We began direct messaging, and then sending texts, and then talking on the phone for eight hours a day and the rest is history!
How long have you two known eachother?
We have known each other for around seven and a half years. Though we didn’t physically meet up until March 2010.
What do you do to keep the love alive?
After almost a decade together, it can be hard! Being kind and appreciative of each other is top priority. Compromising and making a point of acknowledging each other’s hard work. And we make each other laugh every day, which helps.
What are your partner’s pet peeves?
We kind of share the same pet peeves – we can’t tolerate idiots at all! Slow people in the supermarket, people who don’t indicate when they’re driving, kids who don’t pick up after themselves… Pretty normal married couple pet peeves! He also gets frustrated when I steal all the covers – but then throw them onto the floor when I don’t want them anymore! And I get annoyed that we have to flip the mattress every week because it’s never quite comfy enough.
What do you love most about eachother?
We definitely love each other’s sense of humour. I always say that we don’t have to laugh all day every day, but as long as we laugh every day we are fine.
What is the most memorable gift you have received from your partner?
Would it be too corny to say my kids? Oh, and my engagement ring of course.
What is your favourite memory as a couple?
Our favourite memories are the tiny meaningless ones that make absolutely no sense to anybody else, but will crack us up every time we remember them. Inside jokes like ‘why is there countryside?’ seems like nothing, but is guaranteed to send us back in time with a good old giggle every time.
What is the most key component of your relationship?
Our family are very insistent that we are a team. It is important that we always know we are on the same side.
Where is your dream destination for a couples holiday?
We are desperate to go to the Maldives! Who wouldn’t want to lounge around in paradise for a fortnight?!
What are your favourite things to do as a couple?
It is very very rare that we have a day to ourselves with neither of our kids around. If we did, we would probably wander around some charity shops, go for a nice lunch somewhere and then go home and lounge around in bed watching movies.
It’s funny how we can be so compatible in some ways, but when it comes to sleep we are completely incompatible. BedGuru believes that everybody should get a good night’s sleep, so I was totally stoked to make this post before heading off to explore their range of couples mattresses myself!
As Spring slides effortlessly into Summer, we thought we’d take a look at what’s hot in the beauty stakes right now.
Red lipstick, usually the stalwart of everyone’s Winter wardrobe is making a special guest appearance this summer and I couldn’t be happier. I love a statement lip and it’s the perfect accompaniment to all the florals filling the racks and rails at the moment. Glossy colours are big news this summer and on some of the catwalks, nude colours and clear gloss were featured prominently, so if redder than red isn’t your thing, you can still stay on trend
There’s nothing like like a smear of highlighter across the cheekbones, for catching those rays and making you sparkle and gleam. It’s a look that will see you through the summer nights too, glitzing up everyone’s summer balls and barbecues. Of course, highlighter is not just for cheekbones – dab it everywhere the sun catches you, for a lovely summery sun-kissed dewy look.
Following hot on highlighter’s heels, it seems that glitter is big for 2017. Once upon a time glitter was considered something of an “after dark” accessory, but more and more we’re seeing fashionistas in broad daylight with glitter lips or slick glitter eye liner. (And sometimes both! Love it!) A cut crease with glitter eyeliner is a thing of beauty, keeping the mermaid/unicorn trends right at the forefront of fashion.
The beauty counters and nail bars are filled with really bright colours, very reminiscent of the 80s, all primary colours and nearly neons. If you’re treating yourself to nails for your holiday, you should ask your nail technician to see the shellac CND from Ellisons range. Beautiful, durable colours in every shade imaginable – match them to your makeup or your swimwear!
We’re aware of the damage heat can cause to our hair, that’s why there are many heat protection sprays and lotions to use before styling with straighteners or tongs, but what about the heat from the sun? Should we be protecting our hair against natural heat? Yes we absolutely should and there are an array of products that will protect your hair from harmful UV rays, while also hydrating your scalp. Bonus feature, they also smell amazing.
Jump into the comments and tell us about the trends you’re loving this summer!
Recently, on a fairly substantial road trip, my partner Phil and I were listening to a commercial radio station – that’s not me being coy, I’ve been to bed and asleep since then and I genuinely can’t remember the name of it. Anyway, that doesn’t matter, we were enjoying the tunes and being irritated at not winning the hourly competition (£500 prize and we entered at least three times! I’m sure it was a fix! One of the people that did win sounded like the DJ putting on a voice and talking to herself!).
They seemed to be playing the same three adverts on repeat too (also annoying!), one of which began by posing the question “what price would you put on your hearing?” While the advert didn’t really do a good job on us because neither of us rushed out to book hearing tests when we got home, it did spark a lively debate about the value of things that money can’t actually buy.
I don’t know how the topic changed from hearing to hair, (our conversations are very eclectic and we often go off on a tangent… I almost typed “we often go off on a tandem” there. We don’t. That would have been a lie!), but Phil asked a question that I really had to stop and think about.
“If someone wanted to ‘buy your hair’, so you had to shave it all off, what’s the minimum amount of money you would accept?”
It was an interesting question and before I decided upon my answer, I needed to ask a few questions myself, to ascertain the conditions (quite apart from “who on earth would even want to do that?!”) – would my hair grow back? Do I have to stay bald while my hair grows back or can I wear wigs and hats or headscarves or maybe even get a hair transplant? Are there restrictions on what I can do with the money? Is it mine to keep even after my hair grows back?
It wasn’t an easy decision. My hair is pretty much my favourite feature. I am very precious about it. I know that usually, no matter how nicely I do my hair, within ten minutes of leaving the house, I look like I’ve just stumbled up an embankment after a derailment, but the thing is, my hair has great potential. In someone else’s hands, it can look amazing.
We talked about women with shaved heads in general. Two close friends in recent years have Braved The Shave in aid of cancer charities and they both looked striking without hair. A number of high profile actresses have also reached for the razor for specific roles, sending the media into a frenzy, the latest being Cara Delevingne.
After much thought and discussion, I decided that I would be prepared to “sell my hair” for the princely (princessly??) sum of fifty thousand pounds. Well, I had to make it worth my while…
All those hats and wigs won’t come cheap before we even get started on the hair transplant cost. Plus I always said if I ever had an unexpected windfall, I would like to donate a sizeable sum to charity. When you are hypothetically coming into a sum of money, you can afford to be magnanimous without appearing greedy. And after all, it’s only hair, right?
Phil then posed another thought provoking question – “Ok, so you have shaved your head and got your £50k … how much will you pay to get your hair back?”
That, to me was an even more interesting question that the original and I did mull it over for quite some time. I love my hair, I really do… but now I have a LOT of money and I’m not entirely sure I want to part with it. After all, some people change their hairstyle frequently and love to ring the changes. That said, I’m not one of them, I have had more or less the same hairstyle for twenty odd years, aside from a brief foray into hair modelling, which saw my waist length hair chopped and replaced with a shoulder length bob. I was devastated. (I was hiding my feelings in this picture!)
It’s only hair?!! NO! It’s so much more than that. I felt like I had lost an integral part of me, of who I was and how I looked. My hair has never grown back to its former glory, despite my best efforts.
Nowadays my biggest hair decisions are basically “fringe or no fringe?” and “can I be bothered to do my roots this weekend?” Maybe it IS “only hair” after all – or maybe I have come to realise that I am more than just my looks.
With this in mind, (and to get on with getting off this tandem and answering the question) I opted to hand back between five and ten thousand pounds from my original fifty grand. I figured I would have my hair and still make good use of the balance. (Come on, I’m blonde and I like having nice hair, but I’m not an idiot!)
Hair, it seems is such a personal thing – such a huge part of our identity – some religions cover it up, others shave it off. It’s said that when women have big life changes, they sometimes make dramatic changes to their hairstyle to reflect this or as a statement of sorts. Think Britney Spears. When her personal life was going into meltdown and she was being pursued relentlessly by the paparazzi, at the hairdressers, she snatched up the clippers and shaved her own head in front of the photographers.
I’m of course not suggesting that such a drastic change is the way forward for everyone, but sometimes even a subtle change is enough to change your whole outlook. I can’t offer you fifty thousand pounds for a haircut, mind!
By the way, while this might sound like a lighthearted, frivolous conversation (it was just an interesting way to brighten up a long car journey) I am aware that hair loss is an emotive and sensitive issue, and I wouldn’t want anyone to feel like we were poking fun. I know it’s no laughing matter.
Much to my utter delight, my Twitter timeline was filled with glorious images of glossy magazine covers, mocked up to feature fabulous fat women, some of them models, some of them bloggers, all looking amazing.
Here’s the thing…at first I didn’t read the accompanying tweets. My eyes were drawn only to the incredible, beautiful images, so well done that to begin with, I didn’t realise they were fake. Look at those pictures. Really look at them. Study them. Marvel at how normal it is to see a beautiful woman on the cover of a glossy magazine. Now ask yourself why this isn’t the norm.
Navabi tweeted about the magazine covers, “They’re our way of imagining a different future for the mainstream media.”
As you all know, I am very quick to shout about brands getting it wrong. In fact my very next post is going to be a callout on brands that use body shaming memes and in doing so, get it spectacularly wrong.
BUT I am all about fairness and balance so I’m only to happy to tell you that Navabi, this time are absolutely bang on! This campaign is everything!
We do need to see fat bodies in glossy magazines. All bodies should be represented – that’s the true meaning of inclusion and diversity.
Navabi, with just the use of sublime Photoshop skills have proved how easy and natural it is to feature stunning plus sizes women as cover stars and we love them for it.
#MorePlusPlease is all about making plus size more visible, more mainstream, more normal. As Navabi said today, “Over 50% of women are plus size, so why are magazine covers like these the stuff of dreams?”
Get on board #MorePlusPlease – share the images far and wide. Let the media and other brands know that plus women are crying out for more and better representation. We want to see women that look like us EVERYWHERE – because we are everywhere.
Alright, who here doesn’t know who Stephanie Yeboah is?
Let me fill you in. Stephanie is the super-talented, sassy, gorgeous writer who created Nerd About Town – she is all kinds of amazing and we here at She Might be think she absolutely rocks – here’s why…
She kicks ass, she doesn’t ass-kiss.
Steph is opinionated. And vocal. She tells it how it is. And here’s the thing – she doesn’t suck up to brands, PRs or bloggers in the hope of collaboration or opportunities. Although she has worked with a list of brands as long as your arm, Steph doesn’t hesitate to call them out when they get things wrong. Sometimes it seems like her’s is the lone voice in a sea of chattering agreement, but she is still not afraid to speak out. We respect that.
She would make a bin-bag look like high fashion.
I have never seen Stephanie wearing ANYTHING that doesn’t look good. Fact. Her personal style is flawless – whatever she wears, she looks effortlessly classy and stylish. Her fashion sense is second to none. Her makeup is always on point and her hair is gorgeous. Stephanie is the very definition of fierce.
She writes with raw honesty.
Steph writes from the heart. If you read her blog (and if you haven’t, you should – there’s a link near the start and I will add one at the end for your convenience too) you will soon feel like you know Steph personally – she puts something of herself into every post. Particularly the posts to be found in the “thoughts” section. This one, Dear Body – I’m Sorry is a personal favourite, but there are many more.
She wins at photographs.
It was pretty difficult choosing photos to accompany this piece, because whether Stephanie is behind or in front of the camera, the images produced are amazing. She really knows how to put an eye catching shot together – the composition, the colours – it all just works. Take a look at the Street Photography section on Steph’s blog – you really wouldn’t know those weren’t images shot by a professional photographer.
Steph is such an important voice in this community and an incredible role model, we have so much love and appreciation for her.
Before we get started with the sex talk, here is a quick key to some of the terms and phrases I’m going to be using during the course of this article.
Sex: any intimate sexual act which takes place between two consenting adults.
Partner: the other person involved in doing the sex with you – I will try to refrain from mentioning genders, and just to add I myself am a fat woman speaking from experience, so this is mainly who this article is going to be aimed at.
Bedroom: this is shorthand for the location where the sex will be taking place. Could just as easily be the kitchen, the living room, the downstairs bathroom, or in a field filled with long grass and tiny cornflowers, your naked bodies being caressed by the warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze on your skin. But as it’s March, let’s stick with “bedroom” as a catch-all shall we? Good.
1. Being fat is not a secret. I absolutely promise you that the person you are about to have sex with already knows that you’re fat and they’re fine with it. This will not be brand new information, they will not be shocked or surprised.
2. You don’t need to stress or worry about what your partner thinks of your body. By virtue of the fact that they are in bed with you, about to have sex with you, this proves that they find you incredibly attractive. Chill! They definitely fancy you – as long as you fancy them too, you’re golden!
3. If you’re not completely comfortable being completely naked, please be aware that sexy clothes do come in big sizes or if that’s not your thing, throw on a big tee-shirt – whatever makes you feel at ease. And remember, people of all body shapes and sizes have these feelings. Everyone has a body, get comfortable with yours.
4. There is no wrong way to have a body, there is no wrong way to have sex. Whatever you and your partner want to do, so long as it is consensual is fine. You don’t need anyone’s approval, permission or validation. If you No Strings Dating, do it, just be careful.
5. Perhaps most importantly of all… fat sex is fun! It’s hot and squishy, giggly, soft and warm. Relax. Breathe. You have nothing to prove and everything to gain.
This comes from the heart – life is too short to not have great sex. I’m fat and I have AWESOME sex. Don’t think for one second that your size is an obstacle. Learn to love your body. When you stop caring what other people think, you’ll soon realise that mostly they think you’re amazing!
You know what’s a really cool thing to do? Lifting people’s spirits by paying them a nice (and probably unexpected) compliment. You know what’s less cool? Giving them a compliment that mentions their physical appearance. Why? Because you don’t know how they feel about their body at that moment. You don’t know what private battles or internal monologues they may be dealing with – your compliment could actually cause more harm than good, unless you choose your words carefully.
Imagine the scenario – you’ve bumped into an old friend, one you haven’t seen for a while. She has noticeably lost quite a lot of weight. She doesn’t ever talk about dieting or food related subjects.
You say “Wow! You’ve lost so much weight, you look amazing!” – because you think that’s a nice thing to say.
Let’s put ourselves in her Jimmy Choos for a moment. You’ve struggled for several months with disordered eating. You have a very poor self image and particularly low self esteem. Every day is a battle. You bump into an old friend, one you haven’t seen for a while. She says “Wow! You’ve lost so much weight, you look amazing!” You HEAR “You used to be a right fat cow! Now you’re dieting – keep that up!”
You now think “It’s working it’s working! Maybe I won’t even bother having an apple for lunch today, perhaps I will go without!”
You see? More harm than good.
Consider that the friend who has lost weight may have done so as the result of a terrible illness, one that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about – by mentioning and highlighting it you could be forcing her to talk about something which she finds difficult to talk about.
A simple rule of thumb, is don’t mention a person’s weight – ever. Not unless they do so first and invite you to voice your opinion.
Here are the top five compliments you can pay someone, without alluding to their appearance, weight or health – none of which, by the way, are any of your damned business!
And on the flip side – learn how to take a compliment! It can be hard to do at first, but just smile and say “thank you” – that’s all it takes – don’t try to brush it off or shy away from the fact that someone said something nice about you.
After all, you ARE awesome!
The team at She Might Be were delighted to learn that we have been nominated for a Style XL award, in the Best Plus Size Publication category.
Given that we’ve only been in existence since mid September, we are amazed and thrilled that some of our readers took the time to nominate us and we thank you all for your support.
However, we’ve decided collectively to pull out of the running before the voting starts. Our party line on awards and award ceremonies is that we’re definitely not here to compete. There is room for all of us. We don’t agree with anyone being made to feel less or not worthy because they didn’t get the most votes. We don’t want to be up against anyone or encourage people to go head to head. If we all stand together and support each other, we are all winners in our own right.
We are very happy to have made such an impact and impression in such a short space of time and we will strive to continue to help our readers enjoy the lives they live and the bodies they live in.